“Crack,” “Crash,” “Boom” – another broken coffee cup. The screaming, the empty bottle, the homework that was due yesterday, the two-year-old that takes off his own diaper, the arguing, the relentless excuses for not brushing her teeth, the temper tantrums in the grocery store. And why is that lady staring at me like I’m Darth Vader with three rabid kids? How can I maintain patience?
Before you had kids of your own, did you judge parents with unruly children? Be honest…in your mind, did you ever blame the parent for that screaming child stomping his feet in the Target toy section? It is easy to quickly judge the parents of challenging children. Every child is distinctively different and has a unique personality and skill set. Some children are much more challenging than others. Some children require a unique approach for behavioral adjustments and a whole lot of patience.
There’s no doubt about it; children can provoke a loss of patience. The following is a fact; some children are not entirely manageable even with “perfect parenting.” If you ever feel like the behavior of your child is your fault, or if you feel like your parenting is not good enough, you are not alone. This is a common trend amongst parents with challenging children. The actions of our children are not always the fault of the parents.
Just imagine this; you are a manager at a business and work with an associate that constantly screams, won’t share his stapler, spills his drinks all of the floor and won’t clean it up, won’t tell you exactly what the problem is, hits his co-workers, throws his tools, picks his nose, purposefully makes himself heavier when you try to pick him up, and refuses to brush his teeth. The catch is, you are with this associate 24 hours per day and every day of the week. I know some of you are reading this and thinking, “Yes, I actually do work with someone like that!”
That same child can also bring you so much joy when he smiles that cute little smile, dances, laughs, and gives you those big hugs. If you have more than one child, you probably know that they each need a different type of parenting. So, how can you master patience and prevent your top from blowing the next time your wild child dumps a glass of milk into a box full of toys?
Here are four tips that will help you with maintaining a good level patience:
Take a break
It is important to stay hydrated and in order to achieve hydration we have to drink water before we feel thirsty and light-headed. The same goes for taking breaks. Please take my advice, find yourself a peaceful spot where you can think clearly, meditate, pray, and have some quiet time. Then, go to that spot and re-calibrate yourself frequently. Take a break before you fall into a state of anger and a have a loss of patience. What if you waited until you pass out from lack of nutrition before you decided to eat food? Don’t starve yourself from the fuel (breaks, praying in a quiet place) that keeps your mind from running at its peak.
When you hit that point where you feel you are losing your patience, stop and rebalance yourself. Move yourself to a different place (physically), get a coffee or a nice cup of your favorite tea, read a short inspirational poem or bible scripture. The key here is gaining control over your emotions. Physically separating yourself from the area that is sparking emotional stress will help prevent a loss of patience.
Purposeful Pauses
A purposeful pause is doing something that you enjoy with a planned approach. It is a scheduled event that you plan for and set as a priority. It is an activity that you do on purpose.
Having a hobby is a great way to relieve stress and clear your mind. Hobbies promote a healthy exercise and challenge for your brain. Doing something that you enjoy and find interesting is important for your health and wellbeing. Some hobbies don’t require a lot of time or money and can be done at home. Find something that you enjoy and make time for it. This is an investment that will pay dividends in your life. You friends, family, and children will notice the change in your energy level, behavior, and attitude when you take time for a hobby each week.
Kava Root supplement
Kava is a root found on the South Pacific islands and has been used by the natives there for centuries. I’ve found that it has incredible stress relief capabilities. Kava's calming effect may relieve anxiety, restlessness, sleeplessness, and stress-related symptoms such as muscle tension or spasm. Kava may also relieve pain. When taken for anxiety or stress, kava does not interfere with mental sharpness. When taken for sleep problems, kava promotes deep sleep without affecting restful REM sleep. Kava can be found as a tea or in a capsule form in most natural medicine or supplement stores. Kava may be an excellent tool to help with your patience.
Intentional Practice
You can use intentional practice to hone your patience skills. Try this, imagine in your mind a very stressful situation that might cause you to lose your patience. Then, practice mitigating your stress and handling the emotional pop. Act out with complete detail the steps you would take and the words you would use. How did you respond in the scenario? Which ingredient worked? Do you think this tactic will prevent a volcanic eruption of parental stress overload? Now that you have a plan in your mind you can make a conscious decision to use it. Tell yourself exactly what to do during the next stressful moment. Be ready. Then, use your plan to combat a loss of patience during the next stressful situation.
Practice your patience often and you will find that it improves with time. Remember, practice makes permeant. If you practice correctly, you will create a permanent skill.
First Breathe
I know, it sounds so simple and cliché, but it works. Taking a deep breath and relaxing before you make decisions is a powerful tool. The next time you are faced with a challenging situation that might set off your patience bomb, take control of yourself and your breathing. Before you react, take three very deep breaths. It’s easy, just inhale deeply so that your whole chest expands. When you take a deep breath, imagine that you are bringing the air down to your stomach. Do it quietly and calmly. Then, exhale slowly and completely. Repeat this three times.
Parenting is a marvelous and rewarding experience. One of the greatest missions in your life as a parent is leaving a legacy. When your patience is hanging by a thread, stop and think about what you would want the best outcome to be. It’s not easy. It is especially not easy when you have one of those ultra-challenging children that tests every nerve that you have. Parents are leaders. You are a leader. Be strong, be positive, and practice your patience.